March 2012
My best friend made me a pillow for Christmas.
My best friend made me a pillow for Christmas. She sewed it, stuffed it, everything. It’s one of the best presents I’ve ever gotten. It makes me feel like I’m never alone. I literally can’t sleep without it anymore.
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I used to sleep with a dagger under my pillow.
I used to sleep with a dagger under my pillow. My mother told me that being paranoid wasn’t having faith in God, so I threw my knife away. That night you came. You raped my mother and my sister, before shooting them. I could have saved us. I swear I didn’t know.
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I hate her.
I hate her. I hate my Religion teacher for telling me my religion is “Scary” and “Not a religion.” Well, guess what? Your judgement has made my faith stronger. I hope you see that everyone is different. I hope you open your eyes, Ms.L.
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Today my step sister looked at me and said.
Today my step sister looked at me and said. “im fat, and ugly, and I’m not good at anything” she’s 10. It breaks my hear that girls so young are worried about things like that.
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"What?
“What? You’re calorie counting? You don’t need to!” Says the girl who is under 100lb. “Yes I do, I’m fat” says the girl who is 134lb. I want to be skinny like you, I want to be able to wear what I want. I’m only 14, but society really gets to you.
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February 2012
When I was little, until the age of 12, people...
When I was little, until the age of 12, people thougth that I was retarded, because I was bad at school, but it was only because no one bothered with me in lessons so I never listened. Now I’m getting A’s, I proved them wrong, that I’m smart Im going to be a psychologist, and help many people. I’ll prove I was not a mistake. I can do it.
from Six Billion Secrets...
The real reason why I take such long showers?
The real reason why I take such long showers? Because the water on my face hides my tears. You’d never know I was crying.
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I go through a liter of 100 proof vodka in 5 days.
I go through a liter of 100 proof vodka in 5 days. At least 6 shots per night. I don’t want to do this. I don’t even want to drink. But the voice inside me tells me to.
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My great aunt has a severe case of alzheimers.
My great aunt has a severe case of alzheimers. Over summer we went to visit her. I was sitting next to her on the couch when she grabbed my hand and looked me dead in the eye and said, “You are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.” She doesn’t even know who I am anymore. That meant so much to me.
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He falls asleep right beside me every night.
He falls asleep right beside me every night. He makes me laugh even on my saddest days. He rubs my scars from self harming. And when I told him I was so alone as I laid in bed he said, “Hey! I’m right here!” My little 6 year old brother, is the only ray of sunshine I have.
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I had unprotected sex last night.
I had unprotected sex last night. I’m terrified I could get pregnant from it. But secretly I wish I would. Maybe then I’d have something to live for.
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Sometimes I go way over the speed limit on empty...
Sometimes I go way over the speed limit on empty roads. I do this for the exhilaration that it brings. I do this because I wouldn’t mind if I lost control and flew off the road.
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I stopped cutting myself when I started running.
I stopped cutting myself when I started running. Running was a good release. It made me happy. Now, five years later, I’m still running. But I’m miserable again. I don’t know what else to do.
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My husband had a 20% chance of having kids but...
My husband had a 20% chance of having kids but refused any medical help. I wanted kids so badly. I slept with his twin, Jay, for three years. On my third pregnancy Jay told me he wanted to come clean, he loved me and wanted to be with me. I said no. Two days later he crashed his car and died. I still feel like it’s my fault.
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Tonight, I broke the rules for the first time.
Tonight, I broke the rules for the first time. I slipped out my window and met him down the road. We drove around for hours and held hands. We talked bout everything and nothing. I just got back in an hour ago. We didn’t do anything bad, just hung out until 2am. We’ve always had something, but tonight was different… Finally, I got to kiss him.
from Six Billion Secrets...
I craved the word 'ugly' into my legs.
I craved the word ‘ugly’ into my legs. My boyfriend tried to have sex with me but I denied it because he would see it. I’m so sorry I couldn’t keep my promise.
from Six Billion Secrets http://bit.ly/zlsdwc
Every single day I get called anorexic.
Every single day I get called anorexic. Every single night I lay in bed crying. I have a high metabolism, I quit swimming and cheerleading to try and gain weight. I have gained nothing, in fact I’ve lost 5 lbs. If only people knew how much it hurt. Being called anorexic is just as bad a being called fat.
from Six Billion Secrets http://bit.ly/zm1bBe
I'm gay, And everyone knows.
I’m gay, And everyone knows. People don’t call me names, I don’t get pushed around, and I never get bullied. But every day I feel shamed, I feel people look at me with disgust, and hatred. Anger. I feel sick and disgusting, I hate the gay people I know. I feel like my family is disappointed with what I am. I hate what I am.
from Six Billion Secrets http://bit.ly/wO4DQ9
I go on this site almost every day, and read some...
I go on this site almost every day, and read some problems that were just like mine. But I got through it, and it’s been three years since I’ve had a relapse. Whenever you’re thinking terrible things about yourself, just remember: Someone, somewhere, even if you don’t know it, will cry at your funeral and wish you’d never left.
from Six Billion Secrets...
When I told my mom that one of my good friends is...
When I told my mom that one of my good friends is a lesbian, she replied, “Stop hanging out with her. I’m afraid it’ll make lesbianism seem OK to you.” I was planning on coming out to her next week.
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When I'm 18, I want to audition for X Factor.
When I’m 18, I want to audition for X Factor. I just need the courage to sing in front of my parents first.
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How many times has my sister told me to kill...
How many times has my sister told me to kill myself this week? I lost count. I’m so used to it that it doesn’t affect me anymore.
from Six Billion Secrets http://bit.ly/zD6AxV
I was molested as a kid.
I was molested as a kid. I told someone for the first time, he turned it against me. Apparently wanting to talk about it means I’m an attention whore. You know what? I hate you more than anything. I hope someone treats you as horribly as you treat me. You deserve it.
from Six Billion Secrets http://bit.ly/yROxyt
The day I got my puppy, I held her in my arms and...
The day I got my puppy, I held her in my arms and kissed her forehead. I thanked her for being beautiful and I promised to be the best mommy ever. That day I made a pact with her; I wouldn’t cut. That I wouldn’t commit suicide, just so I could be there for her. It’ll be a year in May. She saved my life.
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Soccer, Basketball, Tennis, Swimming, Hula...
Soccer, Basketball, Tennis, Swimming, Hula dancing, and plain ‘ole running. Strict Veggies and Fruit diet, pills, powders, raw food, no oils, and energy shakes. Calorie counting and even “fasting.” I’m done. I’m doing something different this time. I will be beautiful.
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Theres a kid in almost all of my classes with the...
Theres a kid in almost all of my classes with the same name as me. He’s extremely popular. I’m just that quiet kid. But whenever someone calls his name, I look back too, thinking it might actually be for me. Maybe, just maybe, it might be for me. I can’t wait until that day finally comes.
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She told me she got molested by her mom's...
She told me she got molested by her mom’s boyfriend. It was unexpected that night she texted me that. Then she told me that it’s taken her four years to finally open up to someone. I’m glad that person was me.
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I asked out the guy I liked and he said yes.
I asked out the guy I liked and he said yes. The next day he stood me up. That really hurt me. On the outside I am okay with it. On the inside, I want to throw him in a wood chipper.
from Six Billion Secrets http://bit.ly/As5Yfn
I'm sixteen.
I’m sixteen. My aunt, whom I have not seen in over five years, messaged me out of the blue today saying how she misses me and loves me. The last thing she said was “I am always here for you to speak with.” Not one family member has ever said that to me. I feel loved, but I’m scared to get close to her because I’ve been hurt so many times.
from Six Billion Secrets...
My boyfriend just proposed.
My boyfriend just proposed.
I’m still in high school, only a sophomore, so I had that as an excuse for saying no.
What will I do when I’m 18 and he asks again?
I can’t say no to anyone. I’m too scared to be alone.
I don’t love him. I don’t love him at all.
from Six Billion Secrets http://bit.ly/x4wCBM
My sister was diagnosed at 6 with diabetes.
My sister was diagnosed at 6 with diabetes. When we give her insulin at restaurants, people look at us like we’re shooting her up with heroin. My friends joke that diabetics are all fat and out of shape. My sister is the most beautiful little girl in the world. Please stop judging people you haven’t met. We didn’t ask for her to have diabetes.
from Six Billion Secrets...
Roughly 4 years, 3 months, and 15 days
Roughly 4 years, 3 months, and 15 days Since I returned from Iraq. I still unintentionally hurt everyone around me, Pushing them away, preventing them from getting close. Why? I’m afraid they’ll just leave me or die, like so many others have, And because no matter what anybody has said or done to me I feel more like a monster every single day.
from Six Billion Secrets...
My music teacher told me he was happy to see me...
My music teacher told me he was happy to see me around school more often. He’s seen me with my friends, always quiet while they chatter on, and he said he just wanted to let me know that someone had noticed. He even mentioned that he knows it’s a challenge for me to get up in the morning. Thank you, it’s nice to know that at least one person cares.
from Six Billion Secrets...
I met a great guy at my college this year.
I met a great guy at my college this year. We spend time together, and we talk a lot. I really like him. But I’m so afraid that he’s going to treat me like the other guys have, and it scares me.
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People keep asking when my husband and I are going...
People keep asking when my husband and I are going to have children. I just laugh it off and say we are too young or not financially secure or that I don’t like kids. Honestly, I love kids. I can’t wait to be a mom. I’m waiting for my dad to die because I’m scared he will abuse my children like he did me. I can’t let him ruin another childhood.
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Last year, my parents and I had a huge fight and...
Last year, my parents and I had a huge fight and they ‘disowned’ me. I say ‘disowned’ because they’ve done this before and never meant it. I never thought it would be permanent. I got my life together, got married, etc. But I just found out my dad has cancer. They blocked my number so I can’t call. I never thought I wouldn’t get to say goodbye.
from...
The one thing I want most in life is to be called...
The one thing I want most in life is to be called “Mommy” by my own child. The worst thing is that I may have fertility problems from the abuse I put my body through as a teen. Just because I wanted to be pretty and then I did it because of stress. Please, please think about what you’re doing now before it’s too late. Please eat for me.
from Six Billion Secrets...
Today my friend started getting really frustrated...
Today my friend started getting really frustrated and he started swearing. I was terrified he was going to punch me. He was doing exactly what my Dad does before he beats me up.
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When I was 4, an older man invited me into his...
When I was 4, an older man invited me into his home for a candy apple. My aunt saw me and took me home right away. I found out, a while ago, that he was a registered sex offender and that he had molested a 5 year old girl later that day. I shudder every time I think about what he would’ve done to me.
from Six Billion Secrets http://bit.ly/zKSVmU
Today I saw a little girl outside my back door.
Today I saw a little girl outside my back door. She looked to be about 7 and was bald, as if from cancer. But there is no 7 year old girl around my area, for countless miles. And what else scares me is as soon as I looked at her, she disappeared. Who is she? I want to let her know she is safe.
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The Army is the only way that I will be able to...
The Army is the only way that I will be able to pay for college. I act like the active duty commitment doesn’t bother me, and I act like I know what I’m getting myself into. To be honest, I’m a 17 year old boy, and I’m scared to death.
from Six Billion Secrets http://bit.ly/xy6dxf
My mother is an alcoholic and a heroin addict.
My mother is an alcoholic and a heroin addict. My father left us when my mom was seven months pregnant with my little sister. My sister is starting to do drugs and have sex and she’s only twelve. She is already beginning to follow in my mothers footsteps. I’m worried that one day I might follow in her footsteps as well.
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My grandfather passed away early February.
My grandfather passed away early February. He was buried with my favorite stuffed teddy bear. The one I slept with every night. I’ll miss you, grandpa. I hope you love my teddy bear as much as I loved him.
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I often catch myself fantasizing about girls.
I often catch myself fantasizing about girls. I’m a girl too. But I would never even consider being in a relationship with one. What does that make me?
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When I was 15 I was sexually abused by a 20 year...
When I was 15 I was sexually abused by a 20 year old man. I told you, and instead of being disgusted, you hugged me while I cried. You won my heart and my trust, and I decided to give up my virginity to you. Now I’m scared to let you touch me again.
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I'm seventeen and I may be pregnant.
I’m seventeen and I may be pregnant. And even though I’m young, if I am pregnant this baby will have the best life I can give it. Possible baby, you’ve already inspired me to change my life. Thank you.
from Six Billion Secrets http://bit.ly/zCIfcf
My family is Catholic and we started lent today.
My family is Catholic and we started lent today. Even though I’m not 14 yet, I’m fasting. Why? Well, this might sound terrible, but it’s so I have an excuse to use when my friends notice I’ve stopped eating.
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I tried to tell my girlfriend how I thought I had...
I tried to tell my girlfriend how I thought I had two different personalities. She explained how I actually had four different personalities. I didn’t know it was so obvious.. I tried to hide them..
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I typed up inspirational saying like, "Your...
I typed up inspirational saying like, “Your beautiful” or “Where there’s life, there’s hope.” , etc. Last night I put them up around my school, Today I watched people reactions, Some smiled, others tapped the paper, some took the paper with them with a big smile on their face. I’m proud of myself, I’m happy I could brighten someones day.
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My mom left me for some guy she barely knows...
My mom left me for some guy she barely knows instead of staying with her daughter that she raised for 14 years. My step sister left me too after finding out that my father is not her father too. My aunts in the hospital because of lung problems caused by smoking too much. No one knows I’m hurting,but the scars on my leg proves that they’re wrong.
from Six Billion Secrets...